My Place in this Line of Work.
Looking back at 2020 in all its gory, I mean...uh, glory, it leaves me to wonder what the actual heck was that? Can we, for like two seconds please just acknowledge how strange its been?? Yea the whole global pandemic, masks and lock downs were one thing. But having massive social and moral injustices surface day after day was less eye opening and more earth shattering. I remember having a period of time where I literally felt muzzled within myself. I was watching the world from my safe space in all my privilege and peace and I became very aware that my eyes have never felt so blue. It was the first time I really struggled with reality and what that looked like for e v e r y o n e. I went a good chunk of time socially silent. There were far more equality equipped voices to be heard, and along with plenty others, I had much to hear. In that time of quietness I reflected a lot on what I encourage and support within my line of work. I was asking myself tough questions. Am I encouraging vanity above morality? Can I be using my time face to face with women to add more charity and value to our world? Is this where I’m suppose to be? That thought circled my soul for weeks...My first studio job after quarantine would help me answer that.
I was styling headshots for a woman that I came to learn was a 60 year old fashion forward firecracker embarking on a new career path. This was June. The heightened time of racial tensions and opinions vs facts. She walked into the studio with more animal print on her arm than the Tiger King himself. She was black and her hair was in her purse. She looked at me while holding her bag of silky smooth hair and said, “You know what to do with this?” I felt kind of challenged so I made sure to smile while sheepishly I said “I do, yes.” Relieved to hand it off she replied “Oh good doll! Here you go. Do your thing.” In the 90 minutes I spent with her I learned a lot. I learned that she was starting an online shop selling hair to chemo patients and teaching them how to style it for their own comfort and confidence. I learned that she’s helping raise her granddaughter who is her spitting image. I learned that she has life regrets but doesn’t wallow in them. That she faced many challenges but instead of letting them break her, they built her up. I learned that she was a die hard liberal Democrat married to a conservative Republican who also happened to be a black LAPD and she was nervous for him that day as he was on the front lines of the protests. She shared some of his personal experiences which were all powerful in perspective because if you thought it was dangerous to be a white cop during that time, imagine trying to do it as a black man. Everybody was targeting him because, as she said, ‘he’s black AND blue!’ I just kept thinking of the bravery they both are capable of creating and how lucky I was to be hearing about it first hand. I knew that I was needing those moments with her, but was I offering anything to her in exchange?
When I had completed her look and she saw herself she was so genuinely pleased. She grabbed my hands and told he that she loved it and that she loved me. I believed her. She thanked me for my honesty in conversation and told me that it was healing for her. She said that although she feels passionate about her new line of work, her confidence had been shaken lately. She was nervous to expose herself and her image and embrace aging and weight gain and all the physical changes that come along with it. She told me that I had helped build her confidence back up and that her voice would be stronger now. Honestly, I’m not sure I’ve received a better compliment. And so that is what I want my work in the industry to do. I want to work with powerful women who have a message to share. I want to help build them up so that when they speak, they speak a little louder. I want to assist every person in feeling like the best versions of their truest self. I love what I do and I no longer question my place in this line of work. Who knew it would take a fierce little 5 ft animal print wearing woman to remind me of that!